I need help removing her.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
