They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize