'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
