Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Im just a social blackout drinker.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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