i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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