Nicole vs. Life
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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