This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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