Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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