It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
