I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
