Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
