I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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