You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
