I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize