The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
