i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
