We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i believe in u and ur pee
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
