Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
