1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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