i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Come see our sink grown plant.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
