I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
