I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
