not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
