woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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