omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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