I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
