but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
