Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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