My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
