u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize