I wish they made helmets for livers.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
