I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
