i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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