Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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