Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
