When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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