I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
