Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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