The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
