Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
