You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
