"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
