I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
