This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
