If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
