I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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