"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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