I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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