Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
They took my balls.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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