Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
