Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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