You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
