i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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