you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
