I'm so fucking centered right now
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
