wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
