i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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