Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
