remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
