Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
