They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
