can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
