I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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