Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
