well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
