Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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