Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
