im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
