just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize