We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
